Sweaty!

I just finished a workout -- yessss. So far, I've worked out the past 4 days! Saturday I went swimming with G, Sunday I went for a little bike ride (I didn't really sweat, but my butt HURTS), yesterday I did two bellydance workouts (my abs hurt big time), and today I did a Self magazine workout. Fun! I felt so energetic at work today, I think it's because of the workouts.  Also, I've been working on some techniques for my negative self-talk that have really been helping.  Mainly, when I start to feel bad and I don't know why, I take some alone time and dig down to find the negative self-talk that is causing the problems.  Usually it ends up being feelings of guilt or feeling like other peoples' happiness or lack-of-happiness is directly related to me.  I'm hoping, like RuPaul says, the more you do it, the more automatic it becomes.  It's kind of annoying right now since the only alone time I get at work is in the bathroom...my coworkers must think I have major poo problems or something, hahaha.

Looking forward to this weekend! But I'm going to miss my kitties :( I'm addicted to kitty cuddles.

**Today I'm Thankful For!**
Our new engineering manager at work. So far, he's been making work sooooo much less stressful. Thank you begeezus.

Off the wagon!

My view of the beautiful weather from my desk:

So, as one might notice (since I'm blogging here at my desk, although it IS lunch time), my resolutions still aren't doing so well. I feel a lot better than the last time I posted. I think I get depressed when I'm home alone. I tend to feel abandoned.  It's frustrating, because when I feel depressed, I don't want to do any of the things I need or like to do. I had all these grand plans of the things I'd do when G is gone, but I fell into a funk and didn't do any of it. Instead, I created more work for us by being super-duper messy and lazy.  On top of THAT, I feel guilty about it.  The cycle of depression begins/continues...

I guess that brings me to one of my secrets of adulthood:

It's easy to be negative; hard to be positive.

In this particular case, it's easy for me to be depressed and beat myself up and hard for me to feel secure or loved.

I'm glad I started blogging and really being mindful of this stuff. I never realized before how loneliness -- even being home alone for one night! -- affects my mood and feelings of self-worth.  Separating external circumstances from my innate self-worth is a subject I seriously need to work on.  I don't quite have a plan for that yet, but I'll think of something...

***Today I am Thankful For!***

My job. It pays the bills, I get along with everyone, and I truly enjoy the work.  I'm learning SO much and my brain works really hard everyday.

---UPDATE---
I had a great breakthrough at work and solved a problem that's been stumping me for a while.  My mood is definitely high again! I even did a 30 minute workout this evening! It's amazing the things I can do when I feel good.  It's easier to do things that will make feel happier when I am already happy...  External circumstances definitely affect my overall happiness and feelings of self-worth, and that worries me. I'm glad that I feel good now, but what will happen to me the next time something goes wrong at work? I don't want to fall apart all over again.

Mondays...

..suck! Today was not good for my resolutions.

Minnie is disappointed in me.

Actually, my bad day started last night. I was feeling blue after such a fun weekend and knowing I had to go to work in the morning, so I stayed up late and ate some brownies. At work, I was feeling frustrated -- I didn't want to do what I needed to do, so I messed around on the internet for ~1 hour.  I didn't go for my daily walk and I stayed too late because I felt guilty. Ugh.

I need to figure out why I feel stressed...

In the meantime, I'm eating some more brownies, cuddling with the kitties, and watching 90210.

***Today I'm Thankful For***

PO Plus! ahahaha

Wet Laundry

The dryers at the laundromat weren't working today :( All my clothes and half of G's clothes are still wet.   I've been trying to dry the dampest items next to the heater...

1. I've been getting at least 8 hours of sleep every day since I first posted! Yesss. I've been waking up on time and feeling great at work. The only tricky thing has been getting to bed on time (oops, I'm late already!!)

2. I've been pretty good at staying off the internet. I have gone on at lunch time to check my email the past few days and I went on Facebook to wish Stuart a Happy Birthday this morning. It hasn't been easy to stay off the internet. I definitely have a compulsive urge to surf when I'm at my desk.

This weekend I'm going to try and have regular sleep hours. I know that if I either stay up too late or sleep in, I'll have a hard time when Monday rolls around.  Sis is visiting, so I may not be able to stick to this, but I'll try.

So far, though, I am definitely enjoying my "Happiness Project"-inspired resolutions. I feel so much better at work: I can really focus and I get A LOT done in just 8 hours.  "Last Year" I was working 10 to 11 hours and not getting as much done.  I'm also in a much better mood lately.  I think this has to do with working less hours, sleeping well, and getting some exercise (I worked out yesterday morning).

**Today I am Thankful For**
Having clean clothes. Even though my clothes are all wet, at least they are clean and smell nice (instead of like cat pee, which is how they smelled earlier...)

This is the Beginning of my Shoooowww!!

My New Year's resolution is to Take Better Care of Myself.  I'm loosely following Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project, a great and inspiring book/blog.  I'm using this blog to track my progress and keep myself mindful of my resolution. I don't intend on blogging everyday -- but I would prefer no gaps larger than 3 days.

This month, I'm focusing on the following:

1. Jennie the Human -- get 8 hours of sleep every night!
2. Work -- no internet at work except at lunch or after I'm off the clock. This means Facebook, Gmail, and anything else not related to work!

To me, resolutions are about making habits. These are the top two habits I'd like to form that I think will really impact my general quality of life and peace of mind.  I also aim to add 30 minutes of physical activity to my list, but I don't want to push it.  One of the things I have realized about myself over the past (crappy) year is that I tend to overdo everything. I take on too much work, I expect too much from myself, and I end up being disappointed and ultimately depressed. Nevermore!

This past week off has been phenomenal. I had such a great time visiting with friends and just enjoying life. My mind feels clear, I can let go, and just be happy. I want to preserve this feeling for as long as I possibly can.

**Today I am Thankful For:**
My house! I have the best house with 2 beautiful kitties and 1 handsome G. I complain about the mess, but it's comfortable and lovely. I stay warm, the kitties purr, and G cooks. What more could I ask for?!