Off the wagon!

My view of the beautiful weather from my desk:

So, as one might notice (since I'm blogging here at my desk, although it IS lunch time), my resolutions still aren't doing so well. I feel a lot better than the last time I posted. I think I get depressed when I'm home alone. I tend to feel abandoned.  It's frustrating, because when I feel depressed, I don't want to do any of the things I need or like to do. I had all these grand plans of the things I'd do when G is gone, but I fell into a funk and didn't do any of it. Instead, I created more work for us by being super-duper messy and lazy.  On top of THAT, I feel guilty about it.  The cycle of depression begins/continues...

I guess that brings me to one of my secrets of adulthood:

It's easy to be negative; hard to be positive.

In this particular case, it's easy for me to be depressed and beat myself up and hard for me to feel secure or loved.

I'm glad I started blogging and really being mindful of this stuff. I never realized before how loneliness -- even being home alone for one night! -- affects my mood and feelings of self-worth.  Separating external circumstances from my innate self-worth is a subject I seriously need to work on.  I don't quite have a plan for that yet, but I'll think of something...

***Today I am Thankful For!***

My job. It pays the bills, I get along with everyone, and I truly enjoy the work.  I'm learning SO much and my brain works really hard everyday.

---UPDATE---
I had a great breakthrough at work and solved a problem that's been stumping me for a while.  My mood is definitely high again! I even did a 30 minute workout this evening! It's amazing the things I can do when I feel good.  It's easier to do things that will make feel happier when I am already happy...  External circumstances definitely affect my overall happiness and feelings of self-worth, and that worries me. I'm glad that I feel good now, but what will happen to me the next time something goes wrong at work? I don't want to fall apart all over again.